jadedphoenix's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- like a stranger At times the world feels so fucking full - so overwhelming - so filled with love, and friendship, and creativity - and limitless potential - and passion - so much passion... And yet - other times - it's like there's this black hole - where everything in my life is being pulled away - not just pulled, but ripped from me while I slumber - and when I wake - I feel it - the emptiness - the outline of the form that once filled the space... and that emptiness is so heavy - so fucking heavy... And so it rains. But then sun always comes back - doesn't it? Sometimes it takes longer than others to reappear - and I dig deep for hope - that people - true people - will always return - and always be true and open - and not posturing and judging - always with some predetermined angle or fucking pretense. The truth exists in itself - and in the raw - in the experience - in the fight - in the kicking and pulling and breathing and panting and fucking - and in that agony that is the darkest and most beautiful moments of our lives - those moments when we just put ourselves out to be flogged and beaten - or praised and worshiped - because in life - we aren't always on - we're not always projecting - or slaving over the desire to remain outside that image of the person we ought to be - the person we strive to be - sometimes - we just are - we just exist - and let ourselves be open to the education of experience - and so I say - that's living - that's learning - and if that doesn't meet or match some standard - then let it fall - and let it be - and let the truth surround you - in person and in love - and let go of this need to be someone like you - or perhaps even you - in a moment - across that spectrum of self - for if that needle isn't moving - then you're posturing - and losing something beautiful - you're losing you. And if you lose you - then how do you get back to you? 12:23 a.m. - 2012-05-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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